A Whispered Prayer in the Dark
Please pray for my baby. Please, God.
Please let me keep my baby.
That was all I could say when the doctor told us the words that shook my world. My son, barely home from the NICU, hadn’t gained a single ounce since discharge. For days, I had convinced myself that his tiny frame, his sleepy eyes, his quiet whimpers were all part of recovery. But now, the doctor’s voice echoed in my head — “If he doesn’t gain weight by next week, we may need to admit him again. He could be classified as ‘failure to thrive.’”
Failure to thrive.
Three words that pierce the soul of any parent.
I felt my knees weaken. I could hardly breathe. All I could think about was that fragile body that had fought so hard to leave the NICU — the wires, the monitors, the nurses whispering in the dark. We had celebrated every gram he gained, every feeding that stayed down, every night without alarms. I thought we were past that stage. I thought the worst was over.
But as I held him that night, his tiny hand curled around my finger, the tears came uncontrollably.
“Please, God,” I whispered into his soft hair.
“Please let me keep my baby.”
The Days That Followed
We tried everything. Every feeding felt like a test, every diaper weighed like evidence in a trial I was terrified to lose. I watched his chest rise and fall, counted every swallow, logged every ounce. Sleep was a distant memory. Fear lived in my chest.
The doctor had said we needed to return in a week. Seven days to prove my baby could grow. Seven days to tip the scale in our favor.
Each time I placed him on the scale, my heart would race. I tried to stay calm, tried to eat enough myself to make my milk stronger. But nothing felt like enough. I searched online late into the night, typing phrases I never thought I would: how to help baby gain weight after NICU, signs of failure to thrive, infant feeding issues, when to go back to the hospital.
Every article felt like a lifeline — and a warning.
Understanding Failure to Thrive (FTT)
That phrase — failure to thrive — sounds cold and clinical, but behind it lies something deeply human. It doesn’t mean a baby has failed. It means something in their tiny body, or in their environment, is preventing growth — and early recognition can save a life.
Doctors use “failure to thrive” to describe infants or young children who don’t gain weight or grow as expected. It’s not a disease in itself but a symptom of an underlying problem. For premature babies, like my son, it’s especially common — their bodies are still learning to adapt outside the womb.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), a baby may be diagnosed with FTT when:
There are medical, metabolic, or emotional factors preventing healthy growth.Buy vitamins and supplements
Their weight is below the 5th percentile for their age or drops across two major percentile lines on the growth chart.
They show poor feeding habits, low energy, or developmental delays linked to undernutrition.
Common Causes
- Feeding difficulties:
Premature infants often struggle with coordinating sucking, swallowing, and breathing. Reflux, poor latch, or tongue-tie can also limit intake. - Inadequate calorie intake:
Sometimes it’s as simple as not getting enough calories — due to low supply, improper formula mixing, or short feeding sessions. - Medical conditions:
Chronic infections, heart or digestive issues, metabolic disorders, or food intolerances can all hinder nutrient absorption. - Psychosocial factors:
Stress, postpartum depression, or inconsistent feeding routines can also play a role.
The key is not blame — it’s awareness. FTT is not a reflection of parental failure, though it often feels that way. It’s a sign that something deeper needs attention — and help is available.
The Emotional Toll on Parents
When a baby doesn’t gain weight, it doesn’t just affect them physically. It changes the entire rhythm of a household. Parents find themselves in a constant state of anxiety — feeding, weighing, watching, hoping. Every feeding becomes a measurement of worth. Every missed ounce feels like a personal defeat.
I began to isolate myself. I couldn’t talk to other mothers posting pictures of chubby, thriving babies. I didn’t want pity — I wanted understanding. The truth is, unless you’ve sat in the silence of a dark nursery praying for one more breath, it’s hard to comprehend the weight of that fear.
But one night, a NICU nurse I’d kept in touch with messaged me:
“You’re doing everything right. Remember, your baby is still learning. Growth takes time — and love counts too.”
Those words broke something open inside me. Love counts too. It reminded me that I wasn’t just feeding my baby milk — I was feeding him safety, warmth, and the strength to fight.
Recognizing Early Warning Signs
If you’re a parent who’s worried about your baby’s weight or feeding patterns, here are signs you should never ignore:
- Little or no weight gain for two or more weeks.
- Frequent vomiting or regurgitation after feeding.
- Lethargy or excessive sleepiness.
- Crying during feeds or refusing to eat.
- Loose skin folds or visible ribs.
- Fewer wet diapers (less than six a day after the first week).
- Developmental delays, such as weak head control or lack of social response.
Trust your instincts. If something feels off, reach out to your pediatrician. Early intervention can make all the difference.
Medical Evaluation and Support
When the doctor suspects FTT, they will start with a detailed growth chart review and a feeding history. They may perform:
- Physical exams to assess muscle tone and development.
- Blood tests to check for anemia, thyroid issues, or infection.
- Stool or urine tests to rule out absorption or metabolic problems.
- Feeding observations to assess latch and swallowing coordination.
Depending on the findings, you might be referred to specialists — such as a pediatric nutritionist, gastroenterologist, or feeding therapist. Many hospitals also have early intervention programs offering at-home support.
And sometimes, it’s simply about fine-tuning feeding techniques: adjusting nipple flow, increasing feeding duration, or fortifying milk with extra calories under medical guidance.
Feeding Tips to Encourage Healthy Growth
Here are evidence-based strategies parents can use — always with a doctor’s approval:
Buy vitamins and supplements
Frequent, smaller feedings
Premature or underweight babies may tire easily. Offering smaller amounts more often can help them take in enough calories without exhausting themselves.
Optimize the environment
Keep feedings calm, quiet, and free of distractions. Dim lights, play gentle sounds, and maintain skin-to-skin contact when possible.
Work with a lactation consultant
If breastfeeding, a consultant can assess latch quality and milk transfer, and recommend supplements if necessary.
Consider calorie fortification
For some babies, pediatricians may suggest adding calorie boosters to formula or expressed milk — such as specialized fortifiers or oils.
Track progress, not perfection
Weigh your baby only as advised by your doctor. Small fluctuations are normal; it’s the trend that matters.
Monitor hydration
Wet diapers are a good sign of intake. Ensure your baby’s lips and tongue are moist, not dry.
Take care of yourself too
Stress and exhaustion can affect milk supply and emotional resilience. Accept help, rest when you can, and remember: you are not alone.
The Role of Emotional Connection
:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/shutterstock_1187290291-a8dd877d6ac248f68b13c42758dd693a.jpg)
Feeding isn’t just about nutrition — it’s about connection. Studies show that babies who are held, comforted, and talked to during feedings experience better physiological regulation. That means stable heart rates, better digestion, and improved sleep.
Even when feedings were hard, I learned to slow down and look into my baby’s eyes. Sometimes, we’d sit quietly for minutes afterward, his head resting against my chest, his tiny heartbeat echoing in sync with mine. Those were the moments that gave me courage to keep going.
Our Turning Point
A week later, we returned to the clinic. My stomach twisted as the nurse placed my son on the scale. For a moment, no one spoke. Then the numbers blinked on the screen.
He had gained four ounces.
It may sound small, but to us, it was everything. The doctor smiled.
“Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it.”
I cried right there in that tiny exam room. Not because everything was fixed, but because we were finally moving in the right direction.
That night, I lit a candle and whispered another prayer.
This time, it was gratitude.
How to Prevent Failure to Thrive in Infants
While some causes of FTT are medical and unavoidable, there are many steps parents can take to reduce risk:
1. Maintain Consistent Feeding Routines
Regular, calm feeding times help babies feel secure and promote better intake. Watch hunger cues rather than rigid schedules — rooting, hand-sucking, and fussing are signs to feed.
2. Keep Track of Growth
Use your pediatrician’s growth chart as a guide, not a competition. Ask questions if you notice your baby dropping in percentile rank or feeding less efficiently.
3. Prioritize Skin-to-Skin Contact
This stimulates oxytocin, which enhances bonding and milk letdown while keeping your baby’s temperature and heartbeat stable.
4. Protect Against Illness
Keep up with vaccinations and hygiene routines. Even mild infections can disrupt feeding and weight gain in fragile infants.
5. Support Maternal Health
Mothers recovering from NICU stress, postpartum depression, or sleep deprivation may struggle to maintain feeding consistency. Counseling, nutrition support, and community help are vital.
6. Create a Safe, Nurturing Environment
Babies thrive in stable homes. Limit stress, ensure warmth, and surround your child with calm voices and gentle touch.
The Power of Community and Hope
Since sharing my story online, I’ve heard from hundreds of parents walking similar paths. Some are still waiting for that first ounce. Others have graduated from weekly weight checks to healthy toddlerhood. Each message reminds me that parenthood isn’t about perfection — it’s about persistence.
There are entire communities dedicated to helping families through FTT — from La Leche League for breastfeeding support to Postpartum Support International for mental health guidance. Pediatric dietitians, NICU follow-up teams, and online parent forums offer knowledge and empathy when you need it most.
A Final Word to Parents
If you’re sitting where I was — staring at the numbers on a baby scale, heart pounding, tears ready to fall — please know this:
You are not failing.
You are fighting.
And that matters more than you can imagine.
Babies are resilient. With the right care, patience, and love, most infants with FTT recover completely and go on to grow, play, and thrive. The journey may be long, but every ounce gained is a victory.
So tonight, when you hold your baby close and whisper your own prayer, remember — love is the most powerful medicine of all.
