Many of us can identify with the experience of receiving opinions and inquiries from others regarding our choices about having children.
In today’s world, there’s an unspoken expectation that one should secure a good job, find a partner, marry, and then have kids. As a result, couples who choose not to have children often find themselves needing to explain their choice to others. Those who don’t grasp this decision can be quite awkward, posing personal questions that really aren’t their concern.
These inquiries can be deeply personal and uncomfortable, especially when someone is asked why they’ve opted not to become a parent.
Sadly, the choice to remain childless can be viewed as a form of selfishness – yet when couples who are seen as “different” wish to have children, the perception of what constitutes selfishness shifts dramatically…
Over two decades ago, Patti White from California received news that filled her with joy and worry. Her daughter Lisa shared that she was expecting a baby.
Lisa has Down syndrome, a genetic condition that results in a range of physical and mental challenges. However, many people overlook the fact that numerous individuals with Down syndrome can live independently, hold jobs, and take care of themselves.
Nonetheless, the chances of two individuals with Down syndrome having a child are lower compared to other couples, as it is uncommon for a man with Down syndrome to father a child.
When Patti White learned that a grandchild was on the way, she was taken aback – but she fully supported her daughter Lisa and her choice to keep the baby.
At 29, Lisa had her own place and was employed full-time at the local Goodwill store. She had been living independently for 11 years.
“She got along well with everyone. She was capable of doing everything except handling the cash register. She enjoyed her time there, and they appreciated her,” Patti shared with Voice in 2016.
Lisa had also begun a relationship with a man who has Down syndrome; they dated but maintained separate residences. Patti recognized that her daughter was in a healthy adult relationship – they even talked about topics like birth control and safe sex.
“At that time, all the literature indicated that males with Down syndrome were sterile, and people reassured us that we didn’t need to worry about it since they couldn’t conceive,” Patti recalled.
However, fate had different plans.
Patti had just come back from her lunch break at work and was checking her voicemail. She then heard a message from an enthusiastic Lisa:
“Hi Mum, I just wanted to let you know that you are going to be a GRANDMOTHER!” Patti exclaimed, “My mind raced in all directions. How could this happen? Her boyfriend has Downs!”
Lisa’s choice to have the baby faced criticism from outsiders, who deemed it irresponsible and selfish, questioning her capability as a mother. Nevertheless, her family stood firmly by her side, offering support and protection.
Lisa, who is articulate and passionate, experienced a typical pregnancy in many respects. She attended childbirth classes, had a pregnancy coach, and dealt with all the usual symptoms.
“It was challenging for me to move around while I was pregnant; I was working five days a week. I experienced morning sickness and didn’t feel well. I felt like I was going to be sick,” Lisa told Voice.
Despite the challenges, her pregnancy was classified as high risk and managed accordingly. Lisa’s son Nic arrived four weeks ahead of schedule and, like his parents, was born with Down syndrome.
Nic’s father was there for his birth, and the new parents attempted to cohabitate around the time of Nic’s arrival. Unfortunately, this arrangement didn’t succeed. Tragically, Nic’s father passed away when Nic was just 5 years old.
Now 24 and a handsome young man, Nic was brought up by his mother and grandmother, both of whom are immensely proud of him.
Having children always carries risks for everyone involved, and Lisa was especially vulnerable, particularly because many people had strong opinions about her choice to become a mother.
This led to Lisa losing contact with some friends, as their parents feared that Lisa might influence their daughters to desire children as well.
Ultimately, none of these opinions hold any weight, especially for Nic, who has continued to flourish; he’s a college graduate and holds great respect for the women who raised him. The person he has become is a reflection of their love and support.
“I have two moms. My mom Lisa is my greatest future in my life. She gave me life and she gave me love and she gave me birth and she is always wonderful and she is beautiful,” he expressed, according to Fabiosa.
In 2016, Patti posted a touching update on Facebook, featuring a photo of a proud mother and her joyful son:
“This is my daughter, Lisa, having fun with her son, Nic. Both of them have Down Syndrome. This year marks a significant milestone for us all. She will be turning 50, and he will be celebrating his 20th birthday. As for me, I feel ancient. I am so proud of our journey. When she became pregnant, our hope was for her to bond with him and build a relationship. There have been many highs alongside their ‘Downs’, and after all these years, we can genuinely say they have defied the odds and share an incredible love for one another and their little family unit. (She is a single mom)” Patti shared.
This mother-son duo has dedicated decades to demonstrating the worth of individuals with Down syndrome. The story of Patti, Lisa, and Nic also offers valuable insights and hopefully can assist others in making their own choices.
They are truly inspiring and deserve our admiration and respect. Please share if you feel the same.
